Christmas

Well I've got internet again, so I can post some Christmas pics. We had a nice Christmas. We spent it out at my Dad's house. Which I always love going to. It was a nice laid back day with awesome gifts, yummy breakfast and delicious dinner. I felt blessed to be surounded by my family. I was sad that 2 people were missing. Momma B and Grandma Flora. They were in Anchorage because Grandma needed open heart surgery. She did wonderfuly and they are now home. So we get to have another Christmas so we can exchange gifts with them. Always fun!

her sleeping bag

she did pretty good opening her presents

my new peacoat. :)

My companion...

I had a sad thing happen on Tuesday. My wonderful dog passed away. I've been really sad because of this. I never had dogs growing up. We were a cat family. I never really had a dog to call my own until a couple of years ago. We got Max. Our silly, stubborn beagle. And a little while later, we got Bella. A sweet, good tempered dog that I just loved. She was very gentle with Savannah. She was protective of our family. She was always excited to see us. She found herself a place in my heart.
I woke up Tuesday morning and she was sick. I didn't know what was wrong. She couldnt move, not even to lift her head. I tried putting liquids in her, and they all came back up. I was able to talk to a vet, and the vet told me what was wrong with her. She had something called pyometra. It's an infection in the uterus. And very costly to fix. I didnt have the money, and vets won't take payments. Isn't that sad? If left untreated, pyometra will cause kidney failure. By tuesday night she was having seizures. She kept moaning and I knew she was in a lot of pain. I made a hard decision. I knew she didn't have much longer. I was afraid that my daughter would have to wake up to a dead dog. I couldn't do that to her. So I made the decision to release her from her pain. I didn't have the strength to do it myself. My brother in law said he would. They live accross the street. And as I was carrying my Bella over, she passed away. As much as it hurts, I am glad that it was quick.
I do miss her being around. She was always so happy to see us. She loved to get attention. Bella wasn't just a pet. To me, she was a part of our family.

I know who I am.

This is probably going to be a bunch of spiritual rambling, but these feelings are so strong inside me that I need to get them out.
"I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ, of Latter Day Saints". I sang that song to my primary class today as part of my lesson. And now my heart is full of emotion. The lord restored the church of Christ to the earth for me. For my family. He loves me enough to watch men, women and children suffer so that His church could be on the earth again. So we could feel it's fullness.
It sometimes blows my mind that He, a wonderful, perfect being, could love me. A sinner. An imperfect woman. I am full of so many faults. But I have a Heavenly Father that loves me in spite of that. He's there every second of every day. Wanting to guide me. Wanting to teach me. And all I have to do is listen. The Lord speaks to those who listen. I've missed his guiding light. I wasn't living as I should have been. But then I went to my knees and begged for help. For mercy. For forgiveness. I went before him with a humble heart and a contrite spirit asking for his spirit to be with me again. And he answered me. He told me to forgive those who hurt me. That can be so hard. But I've been commanded to do it. I was told to pay my tithing. And when I gave my envelope to the bishop today after such a long time, my heart felt warm. And I knew that he was pleased. I can feel His spirit all around me now. In my home.I am comforted to know that I am where I need to be. I weep for those who do not have that. For it is wonderful.