Christmas

Well I've got internet again, so I can post some Christmas pics. We had a nice Christmas. We spent it out at my Dad's house. Which I always love going to. It was a nice laid back day with awesome gifts, yummy breakfast and delicious dinner. I felt blessed to be surounded by my family. I was sad that 2 people were missing. Momma B and Grandma Flora. They were in Anchorage because Grandma needed open heart surgery. She did wonderfuly and they are now home. So we get to have another Christmas so we can exchange gifts with them. Always fun!

her sleeping bag

she did pretty good opening her presents

my new peacoat. :)

My companion...

I had a sad thing happen on Tuesday. My wonderful dog passed away. I've been really sad because of this. I never had dogs growing up. We were a cat family. I never really had a dog to call my own until a couple of years ago. We got Max. Our silly, stubborn beagle. And a little while later, we got Bella. A sweet, good tempered dog that I just loved. She was very gentle with Savannah. She was protective of our family. She was always excited to see us. She found herself a place in my heart.
I woke up Tuesday morning and she was sick. I didn't know what was wrong. She couldnt move, not even to lift her head. I tried putting liquids in her, and they all came back up. I was able to talk to a vet, and the vet told me what was wrong with her. She had something called pyometra. It's an infection in the uterus. And very costly to fix. I didnt have the money, and vets won't take payments. Isn't that sad? If left untreated, pyometra will cause kidney failure. By tuesday night she was having seizures. She kept moaning and I knew she was in a lot of pain. I made a hard decision. I knew she didn't have much longer. I was afraid that my daughter would have to wake up to a dead dog. I couldn't do that to her. So I made the decision to release her from her pain. I didn't have the strength to do it myself. My brother in law said he would. They live accross the street. And as I was carrying my Bella over, she passed away. As much as it hurts, I am glad that it was quick.
I do miss her being around. She was always so happy to see us. She loved to get attention. Bella wasn't just a pet. To me, she was a part of our family.

I know who I am.

This is probably going to be a bunch of spiritual rambling, but these feelings are so strong inside me that I need to get them out.
"I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ, of Latter Day Saints". I sang that song to my primary class today as part of my lesson. And now my heart is full of emotion. The lord restored the church of Christ to the earth for me. For my family. He loves me enough to watch men, women and children suffer so that His church could be on the earth again. So we could feel it's fullness.
It sometimes blows my mind that He, a wonderful, perfect being, could love me. A sinner. An imperfect woman. I am full of so many faults. But I have a Heavenly Father that loves me in spite of that. He's there every second of every day. Wanting to guide me. Wanting to teach me. And all I have to do is listen. The Lord speaks to those who listen. I've missed his guiding light. I wasn't living as I should have been. But then I went to my knees and begged for help. For mercy. For forgiveness. I went before him with a humble heart and a contrite spirit asking for his spirit to be with me again. And he answered me. He told me to forgive those who hurt me. That can be so hard. But I've been commanded to do it. I was told to pay my tithing. And when I gave my envelope to the bishop today after such a long time, my heart felt warm. And I knew that he was pleased. I can feel His spirit all around me now. In my home.I am comforted to know that I am where I need to be. I weep for those who do not have that. For it is wonderful.

A time for thanks...

So the holiday season has begun! And this weekend I've spent time pondering what it is I'm thankful for. Most importantly, my little family. Nic and the girls. They are my everything. I have a good man. I'm very thankful for him. And my girls. They are my life. The reason for my existence. I thank the Lord everyday that he gave me these beautiful little souls to call my own. I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father. He guides me, leads me, and teaches me. He blesses me, and forgives me. He is a merciful God. A wonderful God. I'm thankful for my parents. They are imperfect, and sometimes crazy, but I know they love me. They have helped me and been there for me when I needed them. I'm thankful for my siblings. We don't always get along, but they are my family. I have the best brother ever!
And I'm thankful for friends. I don't have a lot of close friends. I'm thankful for my best friend. I can be cranky, mean and ornery at times. And she still let's me pester her. :) she's been there when I needed it. And always is around to help me, even when I don't deserve it. I am blessed with great thing and people in my life.

I own my own home!

I got to spend my first nights in my very own home this weekend. I don't even know how to describe this feeling I have. It's mine. All mine. Built by our hands. As I lay in bed that first night, I couldn't help but smile as I stared around the room. We are still sleeping in the living room because the bedroom aren't quite finished. But I don't care. It's beautiful. I can look around and see in my head what it will look like when it's all done. With the crown molding, trim, flooring and everything else. It fill my heart with joy knowing that, as long as I pay my taxes, no one can take this from us. I love watching savannah dance around our living room. As happy as we are that she's in the home her dad has spent so much time building. And now we have more ideas for things we want to do. Like an arctic entry to give more space in the living room. And then next year a garage. Yay! Today I am completely content. Perfectly happy. Filled with joy. What a glorious sunday morning!!

I'm in SO much trouble!

So Savannah decided she wanted to be a Rodeo Cowgirl Princess for halloween. And so I told her I would do her face all up with makeup. She is a knockout! Nic said it made her look just like me. All you boys beware, Momma's gonna have a gun sitting by the front door for any boys that come a calling.

I made Halloween treats. 4 dirts and 1 sand. (My Dad isn't a big chocolate fan)

(I did 3 new posts today. So be sure to scroll down for the others. Thanks!)

Progress

It's coming along great! It's almost time to move in. Yay! After 2 years of working, we're finally going to be able to enjoy. Well sorta. We still have to finish the upstairs. But I'm ok with sleeping in the living room for a couple weeks while we work upstairs.

Our propane heater. Beautiful. Only looks like a wood stove. ;)

I've got a fridge!! Woohoo!

My range. And a little counter.

The kitchen. Not the biggest, but I own it free and clear. (There will be a pantry cupboard ont he other side of the fridge)

Nic was warming his booty.

Pumpkin Carving

Savannah got to carve a home grown pumpkin this year. My Dad grew them in his garden, then picked them and put them in the window to ripen. She had fun carving it with her grandpa.

Family

This is my new niece, Lexie. I got to meet her yesterday. She's such a little doll. So precious! Couldn't resist taking pics.

Had to get a pic with Evelyn and Lexie. They are 3 months apart. Lexie made Evelyn look SO big.

Evelyn was getting some love from her Uncle Jeryme.



Helping Granpa

So me and the girls have been staying at my Dad's house while we are finishing our own. And as a result of my Dad's large garden in the summer, he does A LOT of canning and freezing. So the past week they've been doing different things with tomatoes. And in preparation for this, my Dad bought a really cool tomato juicer. Which Savannah has been having a blast helping him with. These are a few pictures of her being her Grandpa's big helper.

I am blessed.

I have wonderful children. I keep being reminded by my daughter. I'm sure that all parents have moments when they wonder if they are raising their kids right, or if they are screwing them up. I have these moments a lot. I started my family younger than most people. And there are people who thought I was crazy. But then there are moments like today that remind me that I'm not crazy. I'm blessed. Today as we were driving Savannah asked me when Jesus was coming back. Well all that could be said was, 'not right now'. 'But he'll come someday'. And to this she replies, 'well I hope he comes soon, I wanna see him'. She makes my heart melt. She can drive me insane, but at the same time, she warms my heart. She is a beautiful spirit. The Lord had given me wonderful girls. I'm sitting here watching Evelyn sleep, and all I can think is how beautiful she is. And I went in a few minutes ago to check on savannah, pulled the covers back on her and thought the same thing. How is it I got so lucky? The Lord put these spirits in my home. He gave them to me to call my own. I get on my knees every day and thank the Lord for these gifts. I think about what they will become. And it's also kinda scary knowing that who thEy are is a reflection of me and what I've taught them. Scary. I'm a deeply flawed person. How do I make sure I raise them right? How do I keep theirs hands held fast to the rod? But also, how do I raise them to be good people? Kind people. Loving people. How do I make it through the teenage years? Holy crap, I remember what I was like. I've got 2 girls. I've heard girls tell their parents they hate them. I never did that, but what do I do if my children say those words to me? Does that then mean that I've failed them? I love my sweet babies with all of my heart. They are my everything. I pray everyday that I can be the mother that the Lord would have me be. To raise my children in his image.

Craziness!

Oh my goodness it's been hectic. We're making progress on our house. But like all things, we had a bit of a set back. We got all the mudding, taping, texturing and priming done. Yay! And we went in and got everything painted. And it looked so good. And we turned on the kerosene heater, so the paint would dry, and went to the store. While we were gone, the heater malfunctioned and started smoking. Putting a nice layer of soot everywhere! So we spent yesterday washing everything. My arms ache! But last night Nic was able to re-prime, and tomorrow I'll go and start re-painting. I just keep thanking the Lord that the house didn't burn down. Looking for the silver lining. :) It could have been MUCH worse!
But I'm very excited for my colors. I've lived my whole life with white walls, and I told Nic that everything will have a color. I'm tired of white. Unless it's the ceiling. Luckily, Nic agrees with me.
Although he did make fun of my choice for the kitchen. It's called Amethyst Prichon. Purple. He came in while I was painting and said it looked like a little girls playroom. I smacked him and said it is a little girl's playroom. Haha. Our propane stove is supposed to be in this week. This weekend we will finish the bathroom and start on the kitchen. Nic got the water house almost finished. So a little longer and we can move in. We will be sleeping downstairs in the living room for a bit while we finish the upstairs, but that's ok. It's our home. And that's what matters. I'm just excited to get into it. I'm living at my Dad's with the girls and he's staying with his brother. And I'm looking forward to living together again.